Ranting (1st Post Ever)

I hate my roommate!

He is the most inconsiderate person to ever walk the face of this Earth, and what is worse is the fact that he THINKS he is considerate. He was talking about it the other day, saying how we are good roommates because we are so considerate. ARG! He just pisses me off. I am sitting in here, on my computer working on a paper, listeing to my music. My music isn’t very loud because I was busy concentrating, and he comes in, he doesn’t know how to walk quietly, he is always stomping, turns on his computer, and starts playing music. Then he turns it up. I should have slapped him. After about 5 min, he leaves. Music blaring, he went to the gym to play volleyball. This guy is the biggest, most useless, fuck ever! He doesn’t shut up. He was picked on in high school, and he was a band geek, so now he figures he has to make up for it, and is the biggest extrovert. I swear whoever put me with him just did it for kicks.

I am way to nice to him and put up with way too much shit, just cause I am a nice guy with lots of patience. Though they are starting to wear thin. The worst thing is he doesn’t even realize. He is that dense.

And he is still at that stage in life when he is getting by on talent. He has never had to work for anything in his life. I can’t wait for the day when he is actually going to have to do some work to get by in life. It should hit next year when he goes to a real university.

The other day he brought up some shit about how “fetal” Christians “get it” better then those who aren’t. I could have knocked him flat on his ass right then. I think that has got to be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard, and I have heard some pretty bad ones since being here. Bible College students, well first and second years anyway, most of them have no clue. They are still getting by on youth group mentality. I don’t see how they can live life that way. It is so blind.

So dumb, all of them. Just useless. I can’t wait until I get to go home. Live in the real world again. Deal with real people who have real problems and don’t mask them over with this Christian bullshit. Grrr………….

I can’t take this shit anymore. It is just too much. They can all go fuck themselves, and I should tell them so. I should write a new speech about how I think this whole Bible College thing is a load of shit. At least the ppl here. Even some of the profs. They have no clue. They are just…

*deep breaths*

These people just piss me off. They think they are better than others, just because they know Christ. But with attitdes like they have, they can’t know Christ. They just think they do.

They just…

I am out of words. That is my rant for today.

I can’t wait to go home and see my Jo. Home… what is home? Do I have a home? I can’t live with my parents, I will just be staying there for a couple of weeks. I will move into an apartment in Jan., but will that be home? It didn’t feel like it when I lived in my other place. This doens’t feel like home. Sure I have been here fro 3 months, it has all of my stuff, it is a mess, but it isn’t home. I don’t think I will have a real home until I actually buy a house. Something that is mine, with someone to come home to, or someone that will come home to me. I think then I will have a home. Not until. That is going to be a long time…=( I hate not having a home. It is lonely. There just isn’t that home feeling. Something I haven’t felt since living on Herriman Rd. in Yk, back in grade 11. That was a long time ago.

*sigh* Such is life I guess. You just keep plugging away.

One day. One day I will have a home, a wife and a family. There are my base feelings coming through. *small laugh* What is important to me.

There is a lot of work that goes into a relationship. Not work that is hard, or something that isn’t pleasant. But if I actually think about it, which I have, there is a lot of work put into it. Right from the start. The couple gets to know each other, find out thing about the other person. Try not to step on toes when discovering things. It takes a lot of time. There is a lot of effort put into relationships, good ones anyway. And then when ppl break them off, or have an affair or what not. It is like throwing it all out the window. All that you have worked to achieve. Everything that has been built up. It just seems like such a rip off. People make relationships out to be such cheap things. They never realize how much work goes into them. There is no respect for other ppls feelings in the world today. Yes, I am all about the individual, but my girlfriend/spouse will always be put before me. That is just the way I am. The priorities in my life are : God, Jo, Me, Others. That is just the way I live my life. Most ppl don’t understand that, and I don’t expect them to. That is fine. But it just bothers me the way other people aren’t careful with other people’s feelings. Especially when it comes to relationships. Our society/culture is so fucked up! Why can’t ppl respect each other? Yes, it does require a little bit of effort sometimes, but get over it. Others feelings warrant a little effort. My relationship with Mama Bean is amazing. We have so much respect for each others feelings. We know it requires a little effort now and then, but it is worth it for a relationship to grow, and for love to prosper as it does in our relationship. There is respect for each other’s feelings. I wish sometimes that people could see how much love there is in our relationship. They could realize that the little bit of effort is worth it.

Our culture revolves around a monochromic view of time. We see it as a segmented film and expect people to conform to it for the sake of efficiency. I think it is time we slowed down. What is the big rush? Other cultures, like India have the right idea. They live on a polychronic view of time. They place people and events ahead of schedules and clocks. There is no need to get so worked up about things. All hurrying does is get ppl stressed out, and wears nerves thin. This is not needed! C’mon people. Smarten up. Look at what it is doing to society. It is killing us. My generation is growing up in an era of faster and faster computers, microwaves, and instant everything. This can’t be healthy. This breeds impatience. If we all just slowed down. Used a little bit of patience sometimes, just think about how much more calm the world would be. There would be so much less stress in our lives, in our relationships, in everything. It is call patience. This is a word foreign to all but like Buddhist monks. This is a point that can’t be stressed enough. Yes, this is the age we are living in. An age of efficiency, but WHY? We don’t need to be. We can slow down. It wouldn’t kill you. It would probably save lives. Just think about how many ppl have been killed in car accidents because someone was in a hurry. We are always rushing. Rushing to work. Rushing to get our work done. Rushing to do this. Rushing to do that. WHY WHY WHY!!!???? I don’t understand it.

STOP! Enjoy life. Enjoy God’s creation. Enjoy the things and people around us. Yes if we slow down, we may just get lost in the flow of life, but hopefully we can find others who think the same way. Create a haven of peace, of calmness in this storm/whirlwind of everything.

When I first met Jo, she was a whirlwind of activity and nerves. Always somewhere to go, something to do. She has slowed down so much since then. But now with school, work, CSC, friends, just life in general, she is getting lost in the whirlwind of life again. And I am not even around to take up even more of her time. Maybe I can instill some calmness into her life when I come back. Have our time together to slow down and relax. I am scared she is going to just get sucked up and thrown around. Life doesn’t need to be that way. Our MTV generation does not allow us to slow down. But I think we have to. We need to. God didn’t make us to just rush through life. We are here to enjoy life. We are so busy trying to make it through life to get to the enjoyment part, that enjoyment ends up becoming the carrot before the donkey. Something we will always strive for but never actually reach. WE need to slow down, and enjoy it as we go. Or the next thing we know we will be 90 and on our deathbed, regretting that we were not able to enjoy life.

So many things. So much ranting. *laugh* I haven’t gone on like that is a long time. It is nice to do that. Yay for random thoughts. It feels so nice to just spew things out, without worry what people are going to think. Just to let my heart flow though my fingers. I have skipped chapel now, I just couldn’t stop writing. It just flowed. I didn’t want to stop. I am glad I didn’t. I feel much better now. A lot of it is fragmented, but that is alright.

I miss Jo.

I want to leave this place.

School is almost over. This is a weird thing. I only have 17 more sleeps here. 4 more classes of some, 3 of others. When I think about it in terms of school, it is very short. But in terms of seeing Jo, it is still a very long time. =( Oh well.



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