Peaceful sun to sad about the world

Mmmm….I love the sun. So peaceful. I could just sit here for hours. Curl up on my bed, a soft beam of morning sunlight shining across my bed…

On my way to breakfast this morning, it was… breathtaking? The temperature wasn’t cold, or hot, but it was like…I just couldn’t feel it. It is like there was no temperature. The sun was just coming up, making the clouds pink. It was casting this pinkish, orangeish, redish glow over everything. It was so nice. It was still sort of dusk, and just amazing.

I could have just sat down, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Wrap a blanket around me, and just curl up right there.

I never used to want to do things like that. But since meeting this girl of mine, she has put these ideas in me. Curling up. Napping. Things that are oh so nice.

I love the way the sun shines into my room in the morning. It is so warming, despite the draft from my window.

I am in a very strange mood this morning. I haven’t really had to deal with anyone yet. Alastair was here, but left, which is nice. I don’t feel like being patient yet. I just want time for me. To sit here. Enjoy the sun. Write my thoughts. Listen to my music. Ohhh…I have a baseboard heater at my feet and it just turned on….mmmmm…so nice.

Sitting here, listening to cheesy mellow 80’s love songs. *laugh* Air Supply. Gotta love ’em.

I don’t want to go out and face the world today. I want to live today in my own little world. Thinking about whatever. Writing down odd thoughts. Vegging physically, but not mentally.

I love sitting and thinking. About anything and everything. From the way that a pen is so amazing because the ink doesn’t just pour out, to the reason for existence. Theological, eschatological, philosophical. It is all so interesting. Oh how I long for knowledge. To learn, and to make certain ppl happy. That is the reason I am here. It must be. Those are the things that give me the most joy.

There is so much sadness in our world today. We live in such a modern world, yet around the world people are dying due to malnutrition. We have enough food here to feed them, yet we don’t. We can’t send our excess to them. That would cause prices to fluctuate, and we can’t have that. The whole idea of a capitalist system is to screw over others. There is a big drought in Ethiopia right now. They figure a couple of million ppl may die due to it. Due to starvation, and basic health problems that we could fix so easily. Things like diarrehea. I get it and I think it sucks, they get it and it is a life or death situation. What kind of a world are we living in? If we live in a civilized world why then do people insist on killing each other over land. It is fucking land people. Maybe I don’t understand what is going on, but there are other ways. But no, let’s pillage, rape and kill women and children. If we kill the civilians it will weaken them. What kind of a fucking world do we live in? Over here in Canada we can ignore it all. We don’t have to pay attention to the rest of the world. We can just live our own little lives, oblivious to the rest of the world’s problems. We have our own problems. Hmmm…should I have steak or a roast for supper? Ouch, I broke a nail. My brand new Lexus’ wiper on the headlight won’t work. Stupid insignificant shit. I just don’t understand it.

Since I started working in the caf, I have seen so much food thrown out. There are ppl here in Regina that are starving. Kids going to school without breakfast and without a lunch, because the family doesn’t have enough money to feed them properly, and we are throwing out all this food…*shake my head* I just don’t get it.

I really don’t.

Maybe one day…maybe one day.

I am not mad. just sad. but still in a state of peace.


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