My Day

2003-03-26 ~~ 1:39a.m.
Late Night Discourse

It is now after 1:30. I have been sitting here talking ito Topher since Mama Bean left at 11:30.

I enjoy talking to him. It is stimulating. I always walk away afterward beliving stronger in my Christian convictions. I am learning to stand up for what I belive in. To not back down and admit defeat. I am also more knowledgeable now. It it fun to sit here and discuss questions and ideas. Things I hadn’t previously thought about.

He brings up things that I have never thought about, nor need to. Everyone has things that they think about. There are lots of things out there, it is quite overwhelming. We need to prioritize otherwise it can just rn us over, consuming us, takeing us away from that which is more important.

Topher seems to bring out the evangelistic side of the Christianity in me, which isn’t a bad thing.

If we go to heaven, and heaven is wonderful, and there is no bad/evil/negative, then what is the basis of judgment for good and bad? How are we to discern? Would it not all just become mundane? I am thinking now, but this is causing me to wonder…

Is Topher, and others, bound to remain non-Christians for the rest of their lives? Is it possible that God has created some people that will never become Christian? They are bound for an eternity of despair and hell? Thought they don’t know it because they don’t believe it? Why would God create ppl like that? Doesn’t he want everyone to come to know Him? Hmmmm… I think Calvin has something to say about this, I will have to look into it.

Why are there so many ppl out there worried about the more complex philosopies of life when they don’t even know the basics? Why are there ppl studying Revelation when they should be more concerned with the Sermon on the Mount, the basis of Christianity.

I don’t want to go to bed. Going to bed means waking up, which means having to go for a run. Something I am not looking forward to. But something that I must do. I have just over a month until my physical and I have to be able to run 2.4km in under 13 min, do 19 push-ups and 19 sit-ups. I am 20 years old and in the worst shape of my life. How could I have let myself slip this far? I am not even that bad, but to me it is awful.

What is belief? Do we need to believe in something for it to exist? Maybe not, okay, no. But still…

Christianity gives a purpose to my life. If I turn out to be wrong, then it won’t have been a waste. My life has a purpose. Something to fulfill my life. Something to strive for.

I have so many thoughts and ideas. They fly through my head faster than I have time to write them down.

Some ppl use this diary for thoughts, others to record what they have done during the day. Problems in their lives, or just to record things. I used to think that I wasn’t doing this right. But there is no right. I can write whatever I feel like.

This is my own little soapbox.


2003-03-26 ~~ 1:03p.m.
Morose, Despondent

I don’t know what is up with me today…I have been up 4 hours and have done nothing productive. I have a list of things to do, and yet I haven’t done any of them. It isn’t as though I am tired, or sick. I feel like I should be doing something, but I don’t want to. Though I don’t want to just sit here either.

I am getting scared about my army physical. I am doing my pushups and situps everyday but I am not improving. Not noticably anyway. I know it has only been a week and a half, but I should be noticing something. The only thing improving is my running, and I hate running. I really need to pass this test and get in. If I don’t, I don’t think I will be able to pay for school…


2003-03-26 ~~ 3:00p.m.
Fucking Fitness Industry

With the huge fitness craze that our society is now in, fitness club memberships are going through the roof, and so are the membership fees. In order to keep up with the growing number of fitness-crazy people, facilities have to expand and grow, costing more money, and thus keeping the membership price increasing. So where does that leave the people that can’t afford to join these big fancy fitness clubs? At the Y, there is a 1 month waiting period to get in to talk to someone about subsidy for membership fees. Shouldn’t that tell them something? That if this numbe rof people need to apply for subsidization, there is a problem.

Weightlifting is one of my passions in life, and when I can’t afford to go to a fucking weightroom, for a minimum price and hassle, there is a serious problem.

We are being bombarded everyday with messages to get healthy. How are we able to do this when we don’t have access to the most basic of facilities.

One should not have to be a member of the elite to be a member at a fitness facility. Nor should they have to pay out through the ass.

Fitness clubs are becoming/have become a status symbol. Something that should not have happened.

So I am gonig to tell the Y to blow it out there multi-million dollar asshole, and spend my initial $125 membership fee on a new pair of runners or something for my bike, and hit the trails.

Fuck them and their righteous, up-tight facilities.


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