a rant that came out of nowhere

Physio begins tomorrow. Then I will find out how bad it is, and whether or not I will be able to join te forces.

Though tomorrow my Meatloaf CD may arrive. Sometime between tomorrow and Thurs. (Hopefully tomorrow) I ordered it from England. It isn’t out over here yet, and it is the limited edition enhanced version. I can’t wait, I am so excited.

I must congratulate Mr. Chris on his returning to work today. If I had as shitty a day as it seemed to me like he had on Fri., I would not have went back. I would have said fuck it, and continued to look for something else. So congratulations and I hope things continue to improve for you there.

Some days I feel really fucked up. Is everyone as mixed up as I am? I want so badly to rebel against the norm. To do whatever it is I feel like. To buy a hooded cloak, a big black thing. Wear those boots with like 3″ soles that come up to my knees, with laces up the front and buckles on the back. To wear a tuxedo underneath it all, cept that the pants would end just below my knees, just past the top of my boots. Or even just a muscle shirt and jeans under the cloak with the boots. Oh yeah, and a top hat, or a bowler. And walk around like that, without feeling like a complete idiot. Yeah, I would stick out, but why do I have to care? It isn’t like I am hurting anyone else, or disrupting them. Why must I conform to socialtal norms? I don’t want to. Yet I do, because that is the way I have been raised, and the only way I will get anywhere in life. Or is that my problem? That I think this is the only way to get anywhere in life. That I actually could get away with being a total “freak” and still move on in life. Though I think not.

Why must I think certain things, but not be able to live them out? Why do I have to be such a chicken? Why do I have to go to school in order to get a decent paying job so that I can do the things I enjoy doing? So that I can go back to bible college to pursue that which I really enjoy?

Why are people so intolerant of other people’s choice of music? Yes, I admit, I enjoy pop music, and 80’s music. ‘Twas the bane of my existence in high school, and some people continue to judge me because of it. What makes one person’s choice of music superior to that of another? Why should prestige be based on a person’s taste in art or music?

You are looked on as “uncouth” if you are not well versed in Shakespeare, or Homer, Freud, Sartre, or other scholarly writers, depending on the circle you are in. Or if you don’t appreciate certain types of art, rembrant, DeVinci, those 7 canadian artists. Who cares? Why should your taste in music or art dictate the type of person you are?

Why are trades people looked down upon by those that consider themselves intellectuals, or the educated. Suits. What makes trades people so much lower then them? I have experienced it. The looks, the berth I was given when passed. We live in a civilized culture, so why is there still such a class system? Why are people, because of the clothes they wear, the job they do look down upon?

Why must people think that since you are young and male all you think about is sex, and all you want to do is party and get drunk? (The view of my boss and other people at work) Who are they to judge me? Older and wiser? More like older and ignorant.

I know this has just been a pissed off rant. There was no real order to it. none of the big words, or profound statments that I try to come up with when I sit down in front of this entry page. I want to sit down here and write something profound and interesting. Something to make people look at me with admiration. Why I have these feelings I don’t know. They shouldn’t be a part of my existence. They just set us up for let down.

*laugh* Why is my writing showing me liek such a pissed off person? I am not mad, or upset in the least right now. Hmmmm…. Where did that all come from? A hidden niche inside of me that is struggling to get out? Or just random shit that came to mind as I was sitting here. A product of my enviroment and experiences.

Though I am in quite a good mood right now. I get to go see my Mama Bean shortly here, and I am quite looking forward to that.

I am sure as people read this they had mixed emotions. Wondering what the fuck I was writing. I guess that is the joy of this thing. I can just spew shit out. Somewhere inside of my must think that way, and I find it quite amusing, as I am not longer in the same frame of mind as I was when I wrote that, and it was but 5 minutes ago. I think my view of the world is a little skewed/fucked. *laugh* Oh well, such is life.


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