Jealousy. It is a dark and evil feeling. One that feeds off of insecurities and is generally unwelcome. It is a plague. Something that cannot just be dismissed. It sits in the back of ones mind and slowly poisons the thoughts around it, spreading, taking over all concious thought. Once having taken over concious thought, the mind has no choice but to dwell on the thoughts that jealousy has imposed on it. The mind can try to shake it off, to suppress it, push it to the back and hide it behind other, more pleasant thoughts. This is but temporary relief. The jealousy takes the beating and bides its time. It knows that soon, when the mind again lowers its defenses, it will come back in full force, infecting the mind with its unwelcome ideas. It turns the mind away from rational thinking, the one thing that can push jealousy back and eliminate it. Jealousy brings about self-pity, causing the mind to think that it is the one being hurt, not that it is harming others, and so eliminating rational thought. Jealousy causes the mind to lash out, making the mind blame others for the pain it is in. Jealousy doesn’t go away, it sits there, and grows stronger.
If it can be pushed back, and rational thought is allowed to enter, the mind can talk to others, and have the jealousy contained or dispelled. Though if not held under close watch jealousy can rear its ugly head again over other thoughts. Causing the circle of pain to continue.
Jealousy is a strange thing. I don’t understand it, for if I did, it would not plague my thoughts. It causes unnessecary pain and grief. I wish there was a cure for it, though with lots of love and support it seems to be loosening its grip on me. For that I am thankful.