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i’m excellent at financial mismanagement

I don’t think life can any longer be about doing what I want. I think life now has to be about goals.
See I am broke. I am more than broke. I’m about 20 grand in debt, what with student loans, my line of credit, my credit card, and what I owe my parents. I did have 3 grandish forgiven off my provincial loan, so that brings in down a little bit, but…
I need to set goals, and work toward achieving them. Things like, I would like to pay off my loans in say max 5 years. I’d like to get a computer job. After having a job for a year, I’d like to purchase a house.
I need to start making life decisions. And the resultant decision needs to enable me to achieve these goals.
Spending 7 weeks on Crossover will not help me achieve these goals. Sure, the discipleship training would be wonderful, and the experiences would teach me lessons I could apply for the rest of my life. It really has my spiritual well being, in mind. But it doesn’t have my economic, nor my financia well being or any of those other things that are required to become achieve these goals.
I can no longer just do things because they’ll make me “happy”. That won’t get me anywhere in life.
*sigh* So I don’t know what I’m going to do. My parents *might* lend me the additional $1500 (give or take a couple hundred) i’ll need to cover expenses while I’m gone (car/phone/creditcard bill/etc…) But do I really want to incur another $1500 debt, plus if I spend more than the $200 they allot me for the 7 weeks it will bury me further. Not to mention the 7 weeks of potential work i’d be missing, plus maybe these next 2 if Autosporter won’t hire me back (which is possible).
So i’m at a complete and utter loss. I REALLY want to go. I’ve been looking forward to it for quite sometime, and am really excited about it. But I also don’t want to have this huge financial burden hanging over my head the entire time I’m down there. And if I stay I’m gonna miss it terribly, but it will be helping me move toward my goals…
i don’t know what to do. i want to go, but really shouldn’t.
I also don’t want to leave them stranded 2 weeks before it’s supposed to start. I’d feel really bad as it is really not a very nice thing to do.
ARGH!!!

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