Just hit me

It kicked in as I was driving home from the rehearsal. I’m really getting married. And this isn’t just a little thing. Marriage is a huge fucking change. It’s not like changing jobs, or careers, or schools, or the million other things I change my mind about on a continuous basis. This is a big deal. This is “till death do us part.” This is the big leagues. This is a MAJOR change.

I know we’ve been together for almost 6 years, but there was always that option of being able to walk away. I could pussy out, or not deal with something and just walk away. It would suck. And shit would be rough, but it was an option. That option isn’t there anymore. I’m signing up for life. There is no turning back.

I’m not getting cold feet or anything. And I’m still excited about the whole thing. It just kinda hit me is all. That this is for good. This is what I signed up for. It’s just such a HUGE change. Does this mean I’m all growed up now? Do I have to act different? Are things suddenly expected of me? I don’t know what to expect. I’ll never wake up single again. I’ll never sit in the dark at my computer playing WoW as a single guy ever again. I’m going to have this little band of gold on my left ring finger as a constant reminder to the commitment I made. The commitment to a wonderful woman mind you, but a commitment all the same.

This is the choice I made. And I’m so happy that I made it. Of all the things that come in and out of my life, be they be the result of choices I make, or the will of God, Mama Bean has remained a constant. And what a damn fine constant. 😉 I am happy. I’ve been looking forward to this moment for such a long time. To publicly declare, in front of God and friends, and I love Jo, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to wake up beside her every morning. I want to fall asleep beside her every night. I want to be there with a shoulder to cry on when there are tears, and to join in laughter with her when there are not. I want to pick he up when she is down and be the one to listen when she needs to talk. I want to be there for her always. And I will be. Because tomorrow afternoon she will be my wife.


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