So today sucks. Well the past week has kinda sucked. I learned last week that we are going to be putting Brandi down this weekend. Today actually.
We got Brandi about 15 years ago, just a tiny little puppy. She is a sheltie-cross, and was the runt of the litter and we got her from a family who was giving all the puppies to the SPCA. I’ve never seen a dog that listens so well. She is just amazing. So many stories. So many memories.
I’m really going to miss her.
I haven’t thought about death this much since my grandpa died back in ’91. And I’ve had a number of people I know die since then. It just never really occured to me for whatever reason. This time it’s causing me a mini-faith crisis. I just can’t seem to wrap my head around not existing. Normally I’m secure enough in my faith that it doesn’t bother me. I die, I’m going to heaven. But what about Brandi? Does she go to heaven? Is there a dog heaven? She doesn’t believe in God or anything, it’s not part of being an animal. What about her? She has personality. She can’t just cease to exist. I just can’t wrap my head around the concept and it really bothers me.
So that’s where I’m at right now. That and I’m tired of people. I am all peopled out. Christmas will do that to me. Most holidays do. I grew up with small gatherings at Christmas. Not multiple gatherings of 20+ people. It is taxing. I’m a relatively quiet, internal person, so large gatherings strain me. I’m getting better though.