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Bitter

I’m bitter. It’s a foreign emotion to me. I’m not quite sure how to deal with it, and it’s making me a little sick to my stomach.

We hired a new guy at work to replace me. I sent out ads, I interviewed the candidates, and recommended the guy to hire. He’s a great guy, lots of knowledge, quick on the draw, good attitude; a joy to work with. He’s 5 years older than me, with 3 kids at home, and plenty of life experience to draw from.

Here’s the problem…well not so much a problem, as something I don’t know how to deal with. I’m bitter about money. He is starting with less experience than me in the computer industry, and making more than 50% more than me and I’ve been here almost 2 years. Over 15 grand a year more than me. That’s bullshit. I couldv’e threatened to quit over more money and still not gotten that. So I’m bitter about it. Though in all fairness, it is due to me that he is making as much as he is. I told Claire that she’d need to offer the next guy more money than she pays me. And I was really happy when I found what she offered him.

Until today. Payday. And he takes home more than $500 more than me, and does a helluva lot less work. (it’s because he doesn’t know as much as me, and I’m working on transferring more of the workload to him but still…)

I don’t know how to deal with this, and it’s ripping me up inside. I know my bitterness is justified, because I should totally be making that kind of cash, more even, but I don’t want to be bitter. I should be happy for him. It’s like the parable of the planters. Where some guys are hired first thing in the morning, another at noon, and another with just a short period left in the day and they are all paid the same amount. The guys that worked all day got paid the same amount as the guys that worked an hour because when they were hired, they said they would work for that wage. Same thing here.

I’m still bitter though. I’m going to go find that passage in my bible and read it and think on it, and REALLY hope it helps. Prayers would be appreciated though. 🙂

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