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Shot down

I got the biggest shot to me self-esteem today. Lawrence told me that I was going to be doing these menial little tasks while Jordan helped him by moving the ladders around for him while he was spraying the top half of the roof, because I am not quite strong enough, and Jordan is stronger than me. (Jordan is a linebacker on the U of C football team) It wasn’t so much the reference to Jordan being stronger than me, but the fact that I was being delegated to the shit jobs b/c I wasn’t strong enough. WTF? I haven’t been told that since grade 10 when I tried out fro wrestling and got my ass kicked b/c I wasn’t terribly strong for my size. It was like a kick to the nuts. I realize I have lost some size and strength since I have not had enough money to go the gym, but… it just sucked. I think that it was a sign to start kicking my ass into shape, gym or not. I can do enough stuff at home so that by the time I go back to school and use the gym there I will at least be in decenter shape than now. It just really hit me. I guess I have gotten comfortable with my strength enough that it hasn’t really bothered me that I have been letting it slip. Quite the wake-up call.

Well I have determined that my boss considers me a disappointment. How sad is that? I think he was expecting me to have more experience than I actually did. Whenever he tells me to do something, he gets all pissed off and yells and me or whatnot. When Jordan does something wrong, or he has to tell him something, he is polite about it. Well semi-polite. It is rather annoying.

I have self-diagnosed myself with an attitude problem. When Lawrence got made at me the other day because he didn’t think I was doing something fast enough, “Quit screwing around Chris, you are taking way too long doing that. Just tape the stupid thing. Not there, over there.” Immediately slowed down. Not consciously. I sub-consciously told him to fuck off and slowed down because I didn’t like his attitude toward me. *laugh* It sounds so childish when I actually write it out. I found it quite amusing, after-the-fact. Jordan just told Lawrence today that this will be his last 2 weeks. He has decided to go on this trip through U of C, to Sweden for a month or so. *laugh* I wonder who he will hire, if anyone. That is going to suck. I hope I don’t have to work with Lawrence by myself.

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