I’ve been feeling kind of lost lately, like I’m just going through the motions. It’s not like there is something wrong, but it feels like something is missing.
What keeps me going, is looking forward to the next “thing”. Vacations, events, changes, etc… I spent all last week looking forward to Thursday night’s rehearsal. And then, I spent the next two days looking foward to playing on Sunday morning. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I really need something. I don’t get to play again in church for 3 weeks. That sucks. Well, any chance to play is amazing and something to look forward to. But I also feel kinda bad, because I’m coming in and taking time away from his playing. Though he does also play guitar, so that means on the weeks when I get to play, he plays guitar. Which means he gets to play every week. I think I need to pickup a second instrument. 🙂
Seriously though, I don’t understand why I feel as though something is missing. I shouldn’t have to spend my entire life looking forward to the next thing. My life shouldn’t be a series of build-ups, and highs. Wash, rinse and repeat. Shouldn’t day to day life be enough? I enjoy my job, I’m spending lots of time with my wife, and things are good.
But until I figure out a better way, I need to find something new in my life to look forward to. I’m thinking about getting a part-time job to pay for a tattoo. I want to get a full sleeve tattooed on my right arm. It will cost between $1600-2000. I figure if I can get a job for $10/hr, work 16 hours a week, I should be able to take home about $400/mo. This will allow me to pay for the entire thing in 4 to 5 months. Which is friggin sweet. It’s still too far away to be one of the “things” that I look forward to, but awesome. 🙂
I have a lot of goals, and things I am working towards, but none of them have that “thing” factor. It makes me sad.