Daddy Blog

Failure is not an option

It’s amazing how this 9lb, 5 week old humanoid can make me feel so defeated.

Our foray into the world of bottle feeding has been a tumultuous journey. One filled with peaks and valleys. And it’s only been a week.

He’ll typically take at least an ounce from me, but after that, it can all go out the window real quick. It took us 2 hours to drink 2 oz. last week, but the next night he drank 4.5 oz when Mama Beanand I fed him together. Over the weekend Mama Beanfed him in public, at the baby shower with no problem, as he gobbled it down. Yesterday, he ate nicely from my mom, a good 3 oz. But today… today was back to the shitshow. In an hour he drank just over an ounce. Now we think that it might be that we overheated it and it broke down/got gross. But that can’t be confirmed. All I know is that he is hungry because he’ll suck on my finger, but the moment I give him the bottle, he’ll suck 2 or 3 times, and spit it out and start crying.
It’s been about 45 minutes since we gave it up, and Jo’s going to breast feed him, which’ll probably go fine.

Monday I start my new life as a stay-at-home-dad (sahd), and the only thing that scares me is feeding. People say he will eventually eat if he gets hungry enough, but I’ve read stories of kids that don’t and have to go to the ER b/c they are dehydrated. Now I can’t see that happening as Mama Beanis never away for more than 8 hours, but it still worries me. I’m so excited about being a sahd, but feedings like these just make me a little nervous.

I used to hate the saying “failure is not an option.” Yes, it is an option. I can choose to pass, or I can choose to fail, it is my choice, and always an option. Until you have a kid. Then it isn’t an option anymore. This little guy is totally dependent on me. I cannot give up. I cannot give him back and go home. I cannot hide in my closet when things go shitty. Now things have, for the most part, been pretty damn easy. We have a great kid who is friggin awesome. But when things do get tough, I can’t give up. Failure isn’t an option this time.

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